2010 was not my year...i didn't perform well at BYU-Idaho and i didn't like it there. It just wasn't the right fit for me. So i'm not in school, i'm living at home figuring out what i want the next step to be, when i should be somewhere at school. My driving record sucks and so i don't have a car to drive...so that means i'm a 19 year old girl, living at home, no job, no car!? Well shoot. Most of the time i think i'm a huge loser...but that's because right now i am! haha.
I am in the process of job hunting! I babysit but that's not enough. I need a real job. I feel like i'm back at square one, except i've disappointed my parents with school, and driving so it doesn't feel like a fresh start like getting out of high school was. I've messed up plenty of opportunities that my parents have given me and i feel bad about it. In my experience, the best feeling is when someone says they're proud of you, and the worst feeling is when they say they are disappointed in you.
I don't feel like myself right now. I feel somewhat lost in life. In church this week a guy got up and said that he performed better when he was working hard, and he felt better and progressed more of course. He pointed out that people are meant to work hard and achieve things. I'm missing this aspect of life right now! I do things everyday, but not enough. My mind and body don't feel satisfied by the end of the day.
I don't enjoy life like i used to...anyone who knows me would say i'm a happy, passionate, silly girl but that's not who i am right now. i don't want this feeling to take me over but i can tell it already has. I text people everyday to stay in touch from school and such that don't live close to me and sometimes they are the highlight of my day! They don't know it but having those people to talk to helps a lot. I don't have many outlets to meet new people and tons of my local friends are away at school like i should be and so i don't get out much with friends...oh boy i'm a loser :)
I know i learn from every experience in my life, good and bad. This is the first time i think i have been such a loser...haha with not much of a life, so i know that i will learn from this.
I like learning about people and i learn a lot about myself when i'm put into new situations, and so i guess i should take this time to enjoy learning a little bit more about myself. It could be highly beneficial.
Chlo! I am so excited that you started a blog so I can stalk you back!! haha. So hey listen, I know that people say this all the time, but I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. Really, I do. If there is anyone, anywhere, who understand what you're experiencing RIGHT NOW, it's me. Must be a cousin thing. But let me tell you - the only way that I've been able to maintain some sanity and some happiness through it all is by trying hard to do SOMETHING good everyday. Even the smallest thing. Try to do one good thing with your life every day. It will lift your spirits SO fast. I know it's easier said than done, but just consciously do something good and count your blessings and things will start looking up. Promise! It's not always easy, but it's worth it. :) Also, Skyping with your favorite cousin is good for lifting spirits too! My Skype door is always open! LOVE YOU!!
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